I’ve Given This a Lot of Thought
Jun 12, 2025
In retrospect, I don’t know if it was ever love.
Not the kind people write songs about.
Not the kind where you light up when they walk in the room.
Where a glance makes your whole body remember why it’s worth it.
Ours was more like:
“Well… we’re 30. You’re here. I’m here. Could work.”
And then it did.
For a while.
At least on paper.
Then boom … four kids in three years.
And with them, I found out what real love feels like.
It’s when they open their eyes for the first time…
They see you…
And they smile like they spent eternity waiting for you.
The kind of moment that sears itself into your DNA.
Pure. Raw. Unmistakable.
How could anyone walk away from that?
So I didn’t.
I stayed.
-
Through the silence.
-
Through the sexlessness.
-
Through the spite.
-
Through a marriage that felt more like a roommate agreement than a romance.
Fifteen years longer than I should have.
She stayed too.
-
We didn’t share a bank account.
-
Not a last name.
-
Not a bed.
But we shared four things…
Four incredible little humans.
And a house that held more duty than desire.
Truth is…
We said we stayed together for them.
But looking back…
I think we stayed together as scared, selfish individuals.
Because tearing it apart felt scarier than dying slowly in it.
And maybe, just maybe…
They would’ve been better off
Seeing two whole people…
Than two ghosts clapping from opposite ends of the arena.
Stay Lit
