The Diarrhea Method: Your Private Ejector Seat

We’ve all been there.

Stuck in a conversation that’s going nowhere.

The co-worker who corners you in the hall. The neighbor who drones on about lawn care. The partner who asks what you’re working on, then glosses over halfway through and feeds your own words back in a scrambled metaphor.

You feel it…the frustration building. The itch to snap. The urge to cut them off, but knowing that’ll create a whole new mess.

What if there was a clean way out? A private ejector seat you can pull at will.

There is.

It’s called The Diarrhea Method.

Here’s why it works.

Every other excuse fails because people…let’s be honest…care mostly about themselves.

• Say you get a phone call. They’ll wave it off: “two more minutes.”
• Say your cat’s puking. They’ll chuckle, but still push their agenda.
• Say you’re starving. They’ll say “me too” and keep right on talking.  

In each case, your excuse still has to compete with their needs in the moment. And their needs usually win.

But diarrhea?

That doesn’t compete.

It trumps all.

Because unlike a cat, a phone, or a snack, diarrhea doesn’t just inconvenience you. It threatens to inconvenience them.

The second you say it, they don’t imagine you on the toilet…they imagine themselves in that moment, trapped in your presence while disaster brews. Their empathy isn’t abstract. It’s visceral. They’ve been there. And they don’t want to be anywhere near it again.

That’s the beauty of The Diarrhea Method: you don’t have to negotiate your exit. You don’t have to beg for permission. You don’t even have to explain.

You say the words…“uh oh… diarrhea”...and the psychology flips instantly.

• Instead of you pleading to leave, they’re the ones shoving you toward the door.
• Instead of worrying they’ll think you’re rude, they’re relieved you’re leaving.
• Instead of guilt, you walk away with a grin, having just avoided a blow-up by weaponizing one of humanity’s most universal experiences.

It’s not really about poop. It’s about freedom.

Because what you’ve given yourself is permission.

• Permission to hit Ctrl+Alt+Del on a moment that’s going sideways.
• Permission to exit cleanly, without guilt, without burn marks.

And the best part? It’s funny. Humor disarms everyone. They’ll remember the laugh, not the escape.

Look, life is messy enough.

Conversations stall. Misunderstandings pile up. Partners gloss over your words and spit them back crooked. If you let it, frustration builds into resentment.

Or…you pull the eject handle.

You lean on the one excuse that no one questions, no one competes with, and no one wants to stick around for.

The Diarrhea Method.

The only exit strategy where they don’t just let you go… they want you gone.

Sometimes the cleanest way to keep from making a mess…

Is to claim one.

Stay Lit